It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
