The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
