There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
