he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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