this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
