please come you make the beer taste better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
