I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
