Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
