On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize