Whod you bang
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
