i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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