I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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