I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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