he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize