I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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