Welp...herpes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
