i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
