This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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