i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He? As in you personified your dick?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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