So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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