So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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