We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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