maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
