my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
