Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
