P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3pm strippers are depressing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
