as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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