i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
