I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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