im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
