In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
