he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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