I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
