She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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