Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
