her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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