i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
