Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
