I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
