I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
