Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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