you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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