If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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