You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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