I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
