one might say we're banned from that church
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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