Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
