idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was like eating out sand paper
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
