Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
