I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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