bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
