I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
