drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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