Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
