Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
