she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
