Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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