call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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