Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
...so i touched it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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