trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
