Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to make out with him forever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
