I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Boobs are out for the taking
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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