you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
