just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
