Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
