So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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