i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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