i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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