you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
try to milk me bitch
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
