You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
