I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
