R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wear drunk well.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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