remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
