I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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