dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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