Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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