she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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