I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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