Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
