My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
