Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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